Let’s be honest…this time of the year can be very stressful. Shopping, decorating, addressing greeting cards, hosting and attending parties, mailing gifts, studying for school finals, housing out of town family members and winding down your business for 2009 are all stressful activities. The fact that we’re expected to do them all simultaneously forces me into the fetal position, rocking and sucking my thumb!

How did things get so out of control? The intent of this time of year is to stop momentarily and step off the merry-go-round of life and focus on the people and things in your life that you’re thankful for. Actually letting people know how much you appreciate them, is the best gift you can give someone.

I admire people who have walked away from the commercial focus of this season doing away with the traditional gift orgies that leave most of us in debt this time of year. Many of these creative people I have met have chosen to have family “white elephant gift exchanges” where everyone brings a gag gift, tacky Christmas sweaters or an inexpensive theme gift where the focus is on just being together and having fun.

I recently attended a family holiday party where we “adopted” a family that had just gotten their first Habitat for Humanity home and we all brought a house warming gift for the single mom and her three sons. We all went around the room and said what we were thankful for, all 62 people, including children. Every single person mentioned their family and friends. When you really think about it…is there anything else that really matters more?

This year my family opted to give each other an “experience” instead of traditional gifts and we’re heading to Hawaii for Christmas! I think ten years from now my children will not remember what gifts they were hoping to open Christmas morning, but I’m betting they will remember everything about this amazing experience we’re giving them instead.

If you need a little reminding of the “reason for the season” here are a few ideas to consider:

Perfecting Connecting® Action Steps:

• Look for a volunteer opportunity in your community that you can do together with your family/friends. Sharing a giving experience together is a great way to reconnect.
• Introduce a new and creative idea that takes the focus off of the commercialism and puts it onto the importance of family and friend connections like adopting a needy family, white elephant gift exchange or taking a trip together with no gifts exchanged. Just being together is the gift.
• Pick up the phone, write a letter or send a card to 5 people you’re thankful for and let them know how much you appreciate them and how grateful you are to have them in your life.

I’m very thankful to all of you in my network and I look forward to our paths crossing in 2010.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and Happy New Year!

Sarah Michel, CSP, is an international speaker who works with organizations and associations, creating behavioral changes by teaching people how to intentionally connect with anyone, anywhere, anytime through her Perfecting Connecting® keynote and training programs.

I was flying home after a visit with the wonderful people of the Prairie Band Potawatomi Tribe in Kansas and settled into my seat next to the window. Boarding last, and very reluctantly, was a young woman who meekly climbed into the middle seat. My nose was buried in a book but I noticed the strange hand motions, as if trying to push away bad dreams, from my seatmate and looked up at her in curiosity. Her eyes were squeezed shut and leaking tears, her upper lip was pulled up and trembling as a painful grimace spread across her face. It was the face of abject fear.

We made eye contact and I gave her a reassuring smile. Seconds later she tapped me on the shoulder and I took off my headphones. She could barely get the words out. “I-I-I don’t mean to bother you. B-b-but can you please talk to me?” I put my book down and found out she was on her way to Colorado to get married up in the mountains in forty-eight hours. Due to a severe fear of flying, her doctor had prescribed Xanax. In her rush to get the flight, she had forgotten to take it until she boarded so it hadn’t kicked in yet. With each bump (and there were many on the flight) she clenched her face and fists in terror. I tried to joke with her, but it’s hard to laugh when you feel like you might die – plus, I wasn’t that funny anyway.

Instead, I started asking her questions about the wedding – the dresses, the flowers, who would be there and where they’d go for the honeymoon. I tried to get her to feel and see the wedding, the joy it would bring and the beautiful beaches and aquamarine waters of their honeymoon destination, Jamaica. It started to work (maybe the Xanax too) and she relaxed a bit. In turn, she started asking me questions about what I was reading.

I explained that I’m a speaker and writer and had just finished the manuscript for my latest book, an inspirational novel. I was reading How to Get a Literary Agent since I’m on the hunt for one now that mine retired. I’ve been fearful and stressed about the process of finding an agent, shopping the manuscript to publishers, and a hundred other details. Some days I wish I had Xanax… She was thrilled to hear I was an author and peppered me with questions and comments on the journey ahead. The tables suddenly turned. She focused on the joy of completing my latest work, sharing it with the world and what doors would be opening. In a matter of moments, she had me feeling and seeing myself hooked up with a superstar agent, a sweet book deal, on the New York Times Bestseller List and on Oprah! I was smiling from ear to ear in that vision just as plane popped out of a cloud layer. In the distance was a massive thunderhead lit up like it was on fire with wild, brilliant colors from the descending sun. We both looked out the window. “Ooooooooooh.”

Fear reminds us we’re alive and that this isn’t a dress rehearsal! It reminds us that this life is an adventure and has what all adventures have – joy, pain, struggles, happiness, excitement and fear. Every hero in every story has had to face his or her fear to get to the joy of victory – as do we – and accomplishing any worthy goal will include this dynamic, this truth. It’s a normal and natural part of the process of accomplishment. After all, if life was easy all the time, it would be boring. Whether it was my seatmate enduring the fear of the flight to get to the joy of the wedding and Jamaica or me facing my fears on the journey to reach higher ground in my career, the lesson is clear: face the fear – and then do it anyway.

A motivated entrepreneur, author, and professional speaker, D.J. Vanas started Native Discovery Inc. in May of 1999 to “build the warriors to tomorrow…today.” D.J. uses traditional warrior concepts and colorful wisdom found in Native American culture to inspire others to achieve their best in life, school, and career. For the past decade,  he has used his dynamic programs to build warriors in 48 states and internationally to more than 1,700 audiences at organizations such as IBM, NASA, and hundreds of tribal communities, governments, and schools.