Most of us believe we’re good listeners, when in fact, most of us are lousy. (If you don’t believe me, ask your spouse.) Yet listening is a critical skill that we all need to be better at. Listening allows you to relax, compose your thoughts and gather valuable information. And truly effective listening builds rapport, respect and trust.

Whether you’re networking, selling, negotiating or simply having a casual conversation, keep these principles in mind:

See Eye to Eye

When someone is speaking to you it is imperative that you maintain good eye contact with them. Looking at something else sends the non-verbal message that whatever you are looking at is more important than the speaker is. An additional benefit for you is that by looking at the speaker, you can pick up on their non-verbal signals, which will help you better understand what they really are (and are not) saying.

Use Your Body

The way your body is positioned can make a big difference in your conversation. Slumping or leaning back in your chair implies boredom or indifference. Instead, lean toward the other person to indicate interest. If you are standing, especially at a networking event, stand at an angle to the other person rather than face to face. This position will allow you to easily hear each other in a crowded room while still giving both of you plenty of personal space in front of you. This “open” body posture also makes it easier and more inviting for additional people to join your networking conversation.

Make Faces

Facial expressions give people a visual cue that you are listening to them. Smiling, frowning, raising your eyebrows, and other facial reactions send a strong signal that you are following what is being said.

Add Sound Effects

Verbal reactions are the auditory equivalent of facial expressions. Words and phrases such as really, oh no, you’re kidding, fantastic, right, uh huh, and yeah provide a different type of sensory feedback to reinforce the message that you’re really listening.

Restrain Yourself

The temptation to interrupt people can be overwhelming at times. Lets face it—we all love to talk. But giving someone our undivided attention and allowing them to speak without fear of interruption is so powerful in building rapport, that it behooves us to exercise restraint. You can, however, use the next three strategies to get a word in edgewise while keeping the conversational focus on the other person.

Question Authority

Asking questions is a sure-fire way to demonstrate interest in the person you are talking with.  Asking for clarification, for more details, or even advice (if appropriate; avoid the “Hey Doc, I’ve got this pain…” syndrome), encourages the speaker to continue and communicates that they have an appreciative audience.

Put It Another Way

Repeating the speaker’s ideas in your own words will help ensure that you heard what was actually meant. Paraphrasing also signals the speaker that you want to be sure you understand what they are saying.

Emphasize Empathy

Mentioning that you have had an experience similar to what the speaker has described can help to create rapport, because you have something in common. But claiming that your experience was better, worse, faster, slower, cheaper, or more expensive can be counter-productive, because it can make the speaker feel less significant. Focus on the similarities of your stories, not the differences. Remember, you are engaging in a conversation, not a competition.

If you are sincere in your desire to hear what others have to say, it will have a dramatic impact on your business and personal interactions. As Mark Twain once noted, “We despise no source that can pay us a pleasing attention.”

By combining his sales expertise and performance skills with intensive research, Don Cooper delivers programs that are industry and even company specific. So audience members get unique insights and practical, relevant tools they can use immediately to increase their sales—which is why Don is typically the highest-rated speaker at conferences and why his corporate clients bring him back again and again.